Jokes
JOKES PAGE
Animal Jokes
What's pink and curly and cuts the grass?
- a prawn mower
What do you get if you cross a weatherman with Rudolf?
- rain, dear
What goes: "Rivet, help! Rivet, help!"?
- a man with a frog in his throat
What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
- a walkie talkie
What do you get if you cross an egg with some gunpowder?
- an eggsplosion
What do cows read?
- moospapers
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
- a feather boa
Why were the mummy and daddy owls worried about their son?
- because he didn't seem to give a hoot any more.
What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
- a pecking order
Doctor Jokes
Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?
- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.
Doctor, doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?
- Stick out your foot and trip it up.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
- What on earth's come over you?
- six cars, two trucks and a bus.
Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming about next week's lottery.
- Hold on, I'll get a pen.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a spoon.
- Sit over there, please, and don't stir.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a video.
- I thought I'd seen you before.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar.
- Don't worry, you'll soon change.
Teacher Jokes
Teacher: That's an excellent essay for someone your age.
Pupil: How about for someone my mum's age, Miss?
Teacher: Were you copying his sums?
Pupil: No, Miss, I was just checking his answers.
Teacher: Write "I must not forget my P.E. kit" 100 times.
Pupil: But Miss, I only forgot it once.
Teacher: Why do birds fly south in winter?
Pupil: Because it's too far to walk.
Teacher: Can anyone tell me what BC stands for?
Pupil: Before Calculators?
Teacher: If I cut two bananas and two apples into ten pieces each, what will I have?
Pupil: A fruit salad.
Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you?
Pupil: Yes Miss, but yesterday you said not to answer back.
Teacher: Who can tell me where Turkey is?
Pupil: We ate ours last Christmas, Miss.
Don't forget, we always need more jokes. If you know any more, please bring them in to school for our Jokes Page. Or if you prefer, send your joke through the Guestbook.